Tina Fey's "Bossypants" and my crap essay

I love Tina Fey. Until my creative non fiction class this quarter I never would have picked up the book because "non fiction isn't my thing." Well it wasn't, but it is now!

So while in Meijer grocery shopping with the family, my husband decides he must go through the toy aisles. Every time. I busy myself in the book department or the cosmetic department. This day I was in the books, checking out the non fiction selection.

I had seen Bossypants before, but this day is the day I bought it. $11.99 well spent.

I read the book pretty fast, it's very funny and charming. It actually made me want to watch 30 Rock when I have never seen a single episode. So I started it today when I finished the book. So far it's pretty funny. Unfortunately my children woke up from their naps and I had to put it on pause. I love Netflix.

The chapter, or essay I guess I could call it (the book has several very short chapters which could be an essay if she'd published it outside of this book) entitled "Amazing, Gorgeous, Not Like That" had me thinking about my first CNF essay that didn't get the best grade of my academic career.

In the chapter Fey discusses what it's like to pose and go through a photo shoot. She outlines the process and proceeds to write about what she looks like "in real life" vs. what photoshop makes her look like. I love this chapter!

"They always get it wrong under the eyes. In an effort to remove dark circles they take out any depth, and your face looks like it was drawn on a paper plate." (Fey 157)

and "...but how do you feel when they erase part of you that is perfectly good? We have now entered the debate over America's most serious and pressing issue: Photoshop." (157)

"Do I think Photoshop is being used excessively? Yes. I saw Madonna's Louis Vuitton ad and honestly, at first glance, I thought it was Gwen Stefani's baby." (157)

"Retouching is here to stay. Technology doesn't move backward. No society has ever de-industrialized. Which is why we'll never turn back from Photoshop - and why the economic collapse of China is going to be the death of us all. Never mind that. Let's keep being up in arms about this Photoshop business!" (161)

"I don't see a future in which we're all anorexic and suicidal. I do see a future in which we all retouch the bejeezus out of our own pictures at home. Family Christmas cards will just be eyes and nostrils in a snowman border.
      At least with Photoshop you don't really have to alter your body. It's better than all these disgusting injectibles and implants...I have thus far refused to get any Botox or plastic surgery. (Although I do wear a clear elastic chin strap that I hook around my ears and pin under my day wig.)" (161)

My first essay began as an essay about fitting in, and peer pressure and what lengths we all go to just to be liked. It ended up kind of a mess, so I guess I don't really begrudge my professor for grading it like the crap it was. But this chapter (and the ones in which Fey talks about being skinny and fat for a period of time) had me thinking about that essay.

I am going to revise it, frankly I want to get an "A" in the class. I don't know if a revision will help but the low score I got is nagging me. I'm thinking it's going to go in one of two ways. One, it will go in this direction about body image and fitting in and what my kids will be faced with in school. Two, it will turn into a piece about my worries about fucking up my kids and what society says I should be doing as a mother - including the mother's group I joined a year ago.

Well that's all the time I am allowed. Amelia is down the hall beating up Mason and Claire is climbing on the dining room table. Oh - and there's a zombie movie on television that I haven't switched off yet.

If you want a laugh - read Bossypants.

The text book fairy forgot my house!

I thought I would be awesome and buy all my texts for this quarter from BN.com and other various places, instead of writing out my wish list for the text book fairy or going to the campus book store which I am positive has a monthly meeting where all the employees get together and watch security footage of the dummies coming in to but their books from them.  I probably saved a nickle but I can't honestly tell you if that's the case. So here we are at the quarter's end and I'm stuck with  approximately 10 books that I want to unload and every site I've checked online will give me no more than $7 for the lot! The Joan Didion book isn't going anywhere at all, and I am pretty sure I'm going to eat the cost of half of these Henry James books I foolishly bought instead of checking out from the library.

I'd like to take a moment to mentally chastise myself again before I continue...


Ok, now that I've got that out of the way I can continue. I hate the system. That is all.

Mother's Day

The kids got me Cheryl & Co. cookies and Nick got me a dozen red roses! Today has been pretty good. Although Nick is really sick - sinus infection, and my asthma is bothering be pretty bad. The kids are all feeling a bit crappy too, but so far just sniffles and cranky spouts.

I got laundry done, cleaned and organized my craft room and mopped the basement.

It's rainy so I don't have to water the plants.

I'm going to sit down and watch "The Burbs" here in a bit.

The quarter is almost over THANK GOD!

My first meme comic from cheezburger.com thanks to a classmate

Pee on the floor.

Tonight my daughter peed on the floor.

That's right, she waited too long and struggled to get her underwear down in time. But she knew what she did and came running out with a fresh pull-up because it was time for bed and she knew what to do. SO I guess that's a plus. And now my bathroom floor is clean so that's one chore I can check off the list that never ends.

I'm watching to Ice Age for the millionth time, Claire is still refusing to sleep in her own room so her toddler bed is down here. She's rolling around in my bed jostling my carefully organized piles of homework that I've laid out in order of importance.

She just farted on my leg.

Sigh.

She pointed to her butt and said "fawrt" before smiling at me with her binky in her mouth and rolling away. Sig and Manny just caught her attention - they're in the ice cave with Diego and the baby, sliding down the ice chute yelling, she's got her hands in the air yelling "yaaaaayyy!"

I love my job.

Mason just ran into my room to tell me he just killed someone important in some video game that I'll never remember the name of. Oh and "I spilled your candle burner thingy, sorry." I paused while writing this blog. "I guess that means there's wax all over the place now?"

Sigh.

"Well we will just have to wait til it cools and then scrape it off." It's bright red, all over the counter and refrigerator. Double sigh.

Amelia is asleep for the moment, I go back to my writing and the phone rings.
"Hey honey."
"Hi, kids asleep?"
"Nope."
"Can you put me on speaker?"
"Claire say hi!"
She talks to her daddy, kisses the phone and in the process hangs up on him. Stupid iPhone touch screen.

"Hello?"
"Oops, she was kissing you goodnight."
"I figured." Chuckles ensue.

Today my husband got pulled over in whatever state he's in right now - I can't remember - by the FBI and State Highway Patrol. They closed the highway he was on because Joe Biden was en route on the same road. He sat there for a few hours before they let everyone back on the highway.

A month ago he was on the same airplane from Washington D.C. after a layover with Hillary Clinton. I'm not kidding -  I have pictures and he sat next to one of her secret service guys.

Claire just kicked me in the boob. I suppose that her limit has been reached for not having my attention, so I guess I should go before she figures out how to use the remote and orders a porn on pay-per-view.

Nothing major

My daughter Amelia has been fighting a stomach issue (starts with a c, ends with onstipation). UGH. For the entire weekend and week she won't eat, won't play, just lays around. Today she is finally acting normal (yay). I feel so bad for her.

Claire still isn't sleeping in her own room, in her crib yet. She'll sleep on her toddler bed in my room without crying all night. When did this happen and why? Why can't the girls be good sleepers like Mason? AAUgh!

Time for naps! Just got home from Lowes, got some mulch and Pampas grass (pink) and a new shower head. Now it just needs to stop raining long enough to get some yard work done. The garden still isn't built and ready to be planted yet. BOO.